facethereckoning

The vast majority of meaningful conversations between my girlfriend and I usually are the decompressing types where we throw all our emotions in front of each other and pour over it as if we just discovered a bag of evidence.

At some point, there is an argument regarding who loves who the most, and while this is playful banter and no real competition exists, there is motivation to think of how one might love the other more. However, this never answers the question in regards to “more” but rather “how”, “why”, and then followed by some deep, non-sensical explanation of the aforementioned.

Yes, if you know me at all, I am the deep, non-sensical one. My brain, constantly waging a war within itself.

I am very introspective. It’s the phlegmatic/melancholy part of my psyche that just analyzes everything. I have this “why?” itch that needs scratching every time something baffling occurs. “I want to talk to you later.” is the absolute most annoying thing someone can do to me. I will seriously hold it against them. If you say, “I want to talk to you later concerning…” then I’m okay, because I know what is going on. I despise spontaneous planning for later.

Introspective…

Yes, I love the bottom line and the line beneath it. So here’s what I told Courtney, and tell me if you understand because I think I discovered, at least for myself, what love is. I would like to just spit it out, but I fear that for lack of context my idea will get lost to you.

People in love make up crazy things like, “I get all dizzy around her” or “I get weak when she’s around.” or “I can’t sleep when she’s around.” The truth is, these are all made up. Girls, if a guy is making you dizzy, you may have been drugged. Guys, if a girl is making you dizzy. You are allergic to her.

Dizziness, weakness, sleeplessness are all things that point to vulnerability. This is where my idea gets non-sensical, but then again we are discussing “love” here, so maybe that’s not asking too much.

To sum up the dizziness, weakness, etc., what we are really saying is, “I am vulnerable around you.” No kidding, you probably knew this. Let’s take this further…

When you realize you love her, you are basically saying, “You are my vulnerability. You are my weakness. I must protect my vulnerability, I must protect my weakness.”

Here’s where it gets non-sensical in that I think that love is dictated by willfully accepting to protect a vulnerability. Willing to take the flak for whatever this vulnerability does.

Willing to hold her hair up while she vomits into the toilet…
Standing with her during an embarrassing moment…
Remaining with her during a case of bad news…
Laughing at her when she falls, and while helping her up…

Loving someone is loving yourself. “I must protect MY vulnerability. I must protect MY weakness.” I told my girlfriend, I love you because I need to protect myself. I love you because you are my vulnerability, you are my weakest point, and I care to keep those well-guarded. It’s this motivation to protect ourselves that we also derive a vast amount of strength. It’s a strength motivated by a desire to serve and protect.

To make things even more non-sensical, I told Courtney, “The weirdest part about all this is that I would find a reason to believe that in the best interests of my personal well-being, that I would die for you to protect me because you are what matters most, and therefore my most vulnerable part. Somehow, dying to make sure you remain alive means that I’m not dead.” This is Love’s Paradox.

I try to stay away from these type of things, but I could not help but form this conjecture that God’s love for us is because we are His weakness. We are His vulnerability. Think about it, God takes more crap for the things we say and do, and how we represent Him than He truly deserves. Yet, we are encouraged to believe that He is ready to forgive, and in fact, already has forgiven us. When you love someone, you do preemptively forgive them even though you might be disappointed and angry when it happens, but that does not remove them from your Love.

If what I’m saying is true, then this may in fact change the purpose of the Resurrection. Normally, we equate the Resurrection as some kind of victory over death, or that there was a rigged boxing match where Christ got beat down, but the count went backwards, knocking Christ back “in”… I digress…

“In our weakness, He is made strong…”

What if, just what if Christ rationalized in the name of Love, that for Him to die so that we might live was a little bit more than just something He did for us?

Have you ever asked the question, “What does God get out of all this?”

You know the answer, and it’s always been you and me. That’s what He gets. That’s what He wanted. To protect His weakness, His vulnerability… the ONE thing that could make an immortal, omnipotent God allow Himself to be killed, was the very thing He was the weakest in… humans. We amount to His everlasting failure. We blame God for a lot of things, and the truth of the matter it is His fault. He knows that, and that’s why HE died for it.

Somehow, dying to make sure you remain alive means that I’m not dead.

To me, this is the real purpose behind the Resurrection. He died, because in doing so, our preservation means that He too is preserved. No victory dance, no cheesy battle analogy, just a pure and simple piece of extravagant love from a deity to which we are somehow endeared.

In writing this, I feel I have rediscovered Christ’s love. I’ve been disenfranchised from the Church for so long now because of what I perceive to be “walking in victory” or “walking in faith” or “your best life now” (sorry Joel Osteen) taking precedence over what I thought our prime directive was supposed to be the message of the Cross.

It seems that to focus on anything but the message of Cross, is an investment into GREED. Who can get the biggest check in the mail? Who can pray for the biggest tumor? Who can raise the dead?

Instead we are infatuated with miracles and skillfully crafted homiletics selling spiritual indulgences to people who equate their miracle, or their victory, to the love of a Savior which more often than not ends in disappointment and eventual disavowal. One of the most common questions/comments I get from previous believers are, “What did He ever do for me?” or “He did nothing for me.” which leads into logically viable arguments for His non-existence of which there are few logically viable retorts.

Many of these friends of mine grew up in church, and somehow the message of the Cross did not get through.

Dear Church,

The message needs to stop being about why we need to be saved. Rather, HOW we are saved.

Sincerely,

Disenchanted

The End.

Our President has been a busy man.

1. Oil spill in the Gulf. While this is a major issue in need of supreme oversight, I really do not know how much input the President needs. In light of his recent moves to approve off-shore drilling, this is quite the conundrum for him. I truly hope he presses on with the drilling issue in spite of the Gulf spill we are currently dealing with.

Off-shore drilling continues to be one of the safest operations at sea with major oil spill events having happened every twenty years or so. The last event being the Exxon Valdez spill that was by a tanker, not a drilling rig. The last rig event was in 1969 near Santa Barbara, CA.

2. The NY Times Square bomb attempt. Thank God this did not go through, and much credit to the vigilant street people of Times Square who called the suspicious vehicle in the authorities.

3. Nashville flood. Devastation is an understatement. Maybe it is not on the same page as Katrina, and I am sure the President does not wish to get the Bush treatment (none of it was Bush’s fault by the way) so the President has not been silent about it.

Now, there is much more to this plate than the issues above, but these three issues alone would wear me out I think. Put all that on top of daily security briefings, intelligence briefings, and other issues that require his governance… you get the picture?

Dear Mr. President,

During this time of challenges, whether political, economical, natural disaster related, etc., please be encouraged that I support your governance. While our politics do not always align, I understand that the disagreements in views contribute to the debate and decisions made in this country, and it is our privilege as the American people to play a part in all of this.

Regards,

John