Ongoing Series: A Christian's Guide to Hindsight
First things first, I had to take a small break. Not for anything serious, but just for some time to disconnect from this part of my brain where I put these things to words. This past summer has been quite the ebb and flow of good and bad.
Secondly, while not a crisis of faith, my faith was put through a, for lack of a better word, trauma?
On Father’s Day, my 14 year old lab Mac died. Later in August, after a lot of observation I made the hard and necessary decision to conclude his brother Mace’s life. Granted, that felt like one very long goodbye with Mace capping off that part of my life. This by itself would have qualified as a ‘hell of a summer’ for anyone, right?
Well, I was wrong, in August I lost my closest friend Phil. This was the first direct hit I have ever had to process. As my friends and I get older, we take each other for being granted and his passing forced some significant introspection. Not very long after, another friend of mine, Victor, also passed away. His wife Heather, a meaningful friend that grew up with Phil and I, displayed incredible resolve during that battle. Watching their story unfold from afar was as inspiring as it was ultimately saddening. I attended that funeral virtually, having taken place in the same church that hosted Phil’s funeral service a few short weeks earlier.
This Thanksgiving, we visited family in Colorado. We talked about what we are grateful for, and when it came to me I had a difficult time with it. On the one hand, I have so much to be grateful for, yet on the other hand so much that sticks with me this past few months that I still grieve over.
It is not bitterness, nor is it any kind of anger towards God, or the universe in general. I do not know if it was or is depression or just the grieving process.
So I think about my friends. I think about Phil’s legacy, Victor’s, and then I also think about Heather’s continuance of Victor’s.
In high school, Phil and I were constantly about the gospel. Growing up Pentecostal meant that there was a lot of judgment to go around. We had seasons where zeal concealed within us where God’s mercy should have been the drive. In spite of all that, Phil managed to keep it about the Cross.
I met Victor after college, easily one of the most entrusting people I have known. As young adults, he was part of the leadership team for the youth department, and I was volunteering as a small group leader/sponsor. We were friends before he and Heather were married, and I remember their courtship. We had a lot of students and even some friends go through particularly difficult times either with their families or in their personal lives. I would watch Victor get on the level with these people and minister to them. I never saw him judge, I never saw him condemn. He kept it about the Cross, he kept it about how much they mattered because of it.
So, in hindsight while I grieve these friends, I find where I can be thankful. I am thankful for people that mattered to me on personal levels. People that helped me see the Gospel when I am caused to sadly summarize their life here on Earth.
What is the Christian’s Guide to Hindsight? It is objectively seeing the things of the world as temporary. It is being grateful with anticipation that as important as our lives here are, that eternity with Jesus is the prize, to look forward. Understanding that sin is always a part of us, but that the penalty is covered. Knowing, that because of Jesus, we have been made capable to receive that which belongs to God the gift of salvation through Jesus and that through Him, sin does not have the final say over our destiny. Trusting that what we do here does in fact echo throughout eternity (for fans of Gladiator).
While this may not provide relief from loss, and while grief remains very human — I am grateful that I can look back and see what is in fact, ahead.
